To whom this may concern

Hi there,

I felt led to write this tonight because recently, I have had quite a few friends come to me with relationship issues...all of which led to the termination of the relationships. It is my hope and prayer that my writing brings a little bit of encouragement to anyone who might be reading this.

To my dear friends, I think you are all great people coming into this world with something unique to offer. You deserve meaningful, respectful relationships. I did a group activity for adolescents in an in-patient psychiatric unit once about healthy and unhealthy behaviors and qualities to look for in dating partners. I only remember some of them, but it turned out to be an excellent activity for all concerned. Unfortunately, I have had to learn much of this the hard way.

Healthy

1. Encourages you to be an individual, engage in activities you find enjoyable, and pursue opportunities in which to better yourself. Do you want to be with someone who is going to deny you that? ...Ok, that's what I thought.

2. Makes an effort not to create conflict with you and your family. Lord knows my family is a hair eccentric, but that's not for someone else to come in and tamper with. Your family (good or bad) is a MAJOR part of who you are. Your date needs to respect that.

3. Finds a way to make time for you despite having a full plate already. Ok, this is a BIG thing with the friends who have talked to me recently. Everyone I know has a lot going on. Work, school, family obligations, commitments, etc. I am not out to say that these things are not important and that you should not allow your date to have some personal time, space, etc. There is a time for consideration regarding these things. HOWEVER, people make time for what is important to them. If you both want the relationship to work, you will come up with something. It may not be your first choice, but you will figure something out. You are too good for the bullshit associated with the "busy" excuse.

Unhealthy

1. Blames all the issues in the relationship on you. Ok, this obviously is a problem for several reasons. For one, there are two imperfect people in this relationship, and unless you're dating Jesus, it is impossible for ALL the issues to be about you. Seriously? Of course, if you do something (which you will if you things last for more than a week), own up to that, but don't sit there and take the blame for everything that goes wrong. Your date is not immortal.

2. Embarrasses you in public. Does your date embarrass you in public on a regular basis? Make comments in public that leave you mortified? Frequent lapses in adherence to basic social norms? Things that seem minor now can become much more significant down the road. Little things like littering, stealing even the most insignificant items, etc can be an indicator of your date's character. You can blame it on a bad sense of humor, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life trying to justify your date's behavior? I didn't think so.

3. Solves conflict by diagnosing you with a psychiatric ailment. I think this applies more to the ladies, but everyone can learn from this. She might tell him that a comment he made was hurtful. Instead of trying to figure out why the comment hurt her feelings, he tells her that she is "too sensitive" or has "low self esteem". He does something she doesn't like and she becomes angry and he tells her that she's "over-reacting". If you think your date does have a problem with depression or anxiety, etc, there are caring ways to discuss these things. However, chances are pretty good that you might just not be very emotionally compatible rather than you having a mental problem. Leave the diagnostics to the professionals.

Ok, so that's just a start. I'm sure you could help me add more things to this list. It would be nice to come up with something more inclusive. Maybe one day we can publish and save someone some heart ache. I wish healthy relationships (family, friends, and significant others) for everyone.

~Michelle

New Hobbies

Hi everyone (all two or three of you),

I know I don't write on this thing very often anymore. Perhaps it was one of those projects left to "good intentions". Of course the time I have something I want to write about is a time when I have many other things that I need to be doing.

I met Andrew about 8 and a half months ago. We were set up by one of my good friends from Mineral County 4H camp and his first cousin (my friend is married to his cousin). Since that time, there have been many changes in both of our lives, but one amusing thing to note is the number of new activities/hobbies I have been exposed to since we got together. I grew up in Keyser, a small town just south of Cumberland, MD (a bigger small town). Andrew grew up in Doddridge County...in a place that still has no cell service, and the only internet you can get where he lives is dial-up. I have enjoyed most of these activities, but I honestly had never pictured myself participating in them prior to meeting Andrew.

1. Rummy - Andrew had to teach me how to play because I seriously didn't know. It's a simple one, but I'm glad I know now.

2. 3D movies - I was never a movie-goer prior to meeting Andrew. I'm still not one who goes that often, but I saw my first 3-D movie with Andrew. We saw "Paul".

3. Riding on the back of a motorcycle - I got a motorcycle helmet for Valentine's Day - we haven't had the chance to go too often, but I love it when we do get to go.

4. Riding a bike on the rail trail - I know this is another one that is like "really?!" but it's something that needed that extra push to really enjoy.

5. Kayaking - I have to take it slow, but it's pretty fun...except for that part about running into trees at North Bend.

6. Well roads - I have had the chance to go with Andrew on a few trips to oil well sites for his job. I enjoy riding in a big pick-up truck and getting to hang out with my favorite person.

7. Monopoly - Andrew had to teach me how to play. We've played once, and I'm looking forward to next time.

8. Star Wars -I hadn't seen any of the movies prior to this past summer. Andrew has the DVD's and he sat and watched every single episode with me. That's a LOT of movie watching. And after seeing them, I am definitely a fan.

9. Gardening - Ok, so I did not do much of the work, but I cut up a lot of produce this season, got to see the process first-hand, and already have some ideas for next year.

10. Mud bogging - I seriously never thought I would be doing this, but today, I went on my first semi- mud bogging trip. It wasn't extreme by any means, but I was in the razor with Andrew going up and down these dirt roads that were very rough. We were driving through some rather large mud puddles. I ended up with dirt in some odd places. I can now see though why it's such a popular activity. What else could I possibly want to do on a Sunday afternoon?

I love Andrew, and I've enjoyed the past 8.6 months we've spent together. I'm looking forward to spending more time on this journey, but here's a few highlights for now.

Thank You Lord

This past week has been very crazy due to a collection of things going on that include two part-time jobs, full time graduate school, a car repair, and some personal obligations. I just wanted to take a minute and praise God for the blessings on me. I have a lot going on, but I have people in my life who love me and are willing to help me out once in a while. I have two part time jobs and go to school full time, but a lot of people can't find one job or afford school to better themselves. I could complain this week about how tired I am, but I'm thankful that I have a good place to sleep when it's all over. Thank you Lord.

On the Cheap

In May, I made a decision that greatly improved my quality of life, but resulted in a fairly significant pay cut. I had been working 24 hours/week at the hospital and attending graduate school full time. I had become burned-out on my unit, and working weekend nights was taking its toll on me. Andrew and I had started dating in January, and I was quickly growing tired of missing out on lots of things with him because I had to work. In addition, I missed a lot of time with my family, friends, everyone really. So, I decided to make a change and to become a graduate assistant with the university. I still work per diem on my nursing unit, so I'm not losing the skills I've acquired there. However, I'm now working for a Lung Cancer study, so I'm learning all kinds of new things as well. While the economy is still not so great and my income reduced, I have been inspired to look for some ways to save money. I decided to start posting some things here just to share with everyone.

1. Home-made laundry detergent

I saw a recipe for this online and decided to try it. I used one bar of Ivory soap grated, one cup of Arm&Hammer super washing soda (not regular baking soda), and one half cup of borax. All the ingredients cost me about $8. I have enough soap for three batches, but if I bought more soap, I'd have way more. I'll get back with the blog for an exact count. The borax comes in a big box, and I'm not sure how much soda is in the washing soda bag. I only bought a 3 pack of soap because I was just trying this out. This recipe is only for top loaders; however, there's front-loader recipes on the internet. So far, it's worked out fairly well. I haven't washed too much laundry since I made the detergent, but so far, things are turning out clean and have a fresh scent. I suppose I could change the scent a little by changing the type of soap. I use Ivory because it is cheap and fairly hypoallergenic.

2. Traveling

This is a time of year when many people like to go on vacations, weekend trips, etc. While it may be the vacation I spent the whole year looking forward to, there are small ways to prevent such a sharp blow to your bank account. One thing that has saved us probably close to $100 this trip is bringing drinks and some breakfast items with us. Right now, I'm in Baltimore, MD, Inner Harbor. A bottled water or soda from a machine is going to cost at least $2. Meals and snacks from street vendors, etc are going to be pricey as well. Before we left on the trip, I bought one 24-pack of bottled water, one 6-pack of Diet Coke (my personal vice), a loaf of bread, a little jar of peanut butter, and a little jar of jelly. All total, I believe it cost me roughly $15. I chose to share with the three people I'm traveling with. I'll have some things left over that I may or may not choose to take with me when we leave tomorrow; however, it's still a great deal. I can buy a 24-pack of water in West Virginia for less than $5 while I might pay > $2 for just one bottle in Baltimore.

Looking out for the Future

As of Monday, I have been dating my wonderful boyfriend, Andrew, for seven months. That is a "long term" relationship in my eyes. In the past, any relationship I might have had never lasted more than 4 months, and honestly, I knew they were about over by the 3rd. While things here are going well, there have been some things that have come up that I had not encountered in the past (neither has he really), that we are sort of dealing with that I wanted to write about. I thought our experiences might inspire others.

Tuesday night, we had a very long phone conversation about how we wanted to live our lives in certain areas. We come from different backgrounds, but we're both Christian and want to live in a way that honors God and the things He has given us. Andrew started feeling convicted about some things that he owned. It's mainly some DVD's and comics that are really not "family appropriate". Maybe is wasn't a big deal when it was just him, but he felt that owning this stuff would have a negative affect on our life together as well as that of our children. I started thinking about some of my things. I'm on a vacation right this second, but I plan on getting rid of anything like that I own as well. I think there's three seasons of Family Guy that could make their way into the Goodwill box. We made an important decision about our future life: we aren't going to have cable the first year we're married. It's a big money-saving effort, and many things are available on the internet now. We would rather have NetFlix or something similar and choose something to watch TOGETHER rather than coming home everyday and habitually staring at the "idiot-box". Also, just think of all the time we'll have to spend working on projects at home, reading books, doing other things that might benefit other people, etc.

Our future family is very important to us. I come from a very small family in Keyser, WV while Andrew has a larger extended family that all lives on the same road in Doddridge County, WV. We're not perfect people...we both gave up on that a LONG time ago. We're just trying to look out for our future a little bit.

Adventures in Research Nursing

I never saw myself as a research nurse, but this current job is showing me a different side to my nursing skill. I've discovered that I get a mild high off getting a patient consented to the study. I enjoy making awkward visits to patients' homes and encountering their family members and pets. I have no problem calling people on the phone and asking them about their health that day. Yesterday, I worked eleven hours on the study and it did not feel like that much at all. It's not something I would want to do for the next thirty years, but I must say that is enjoyable right now. When I started working on the study, things were kind of stagnant, but right now, things are starting to move, and it is just so exciting.

Finding Myself on Tuesday

My day started at 6:30. I ate breakfast, showered, and then studied for my quiz today (which I didn't do the best on...not my worst, but sure not my best).

I walked to work this morning as I have been trying to get some more exercise in with a very busy lifestyle right now. Once I got to work, it appeared to be a slow day; however, my first hour there was quite deceptive. There were no new patients admitted overnight at the hospital, so I was planning on checking up on the two guys in the hospital that we were following and be on my way. Then, my co-worker reminded me of a lady we were watching as well. She was actually in good enough shape to participate. I got her consented and all her first data collection done (first one by myself). My co-worker and I went on a home visit to a patient in Fairmont, I finished doing everything with my new consentee, attended an online lecture, took an online quiz. After that I met up w/ a friend in the hospital cafeteria and talked to him for a while. I came home, reviewed some slides for my other class, read a chapter of a text book, checked my email, and now I'm ready to go to bed.

Today was packed with action. I am quickly discovering that I am the type who likes to stay until the job is done; however, at times, I have to call it a day. Organization is becoming increasingly important to me as well. Like, at work, I think the biggest thing I bring to our project at times is organization. I have become the person who keeps a calendar of what patients we need to collect data on when, the person who keeps the paperwork and charts, and the person who lets others know what needs done when. I am the list-maker. It's a new part of my life right now, and I am finding myself through this work. It's invigorating. I know I just wrote a big paragraph about my day (I hate the word "busy" btw). But this is a faction of my new life, and I'm loving it.

Pouring Concrete...and Other Adventures

I just wanted to write a brief bit in honor of my boyfriend Andrew (who probably won't see this post until I show it to him Friday night). We have spent roughly five months together. Andrew thinks we started dating on 1-1-11, but I thought it was later than that. I think he knew all along what was happening, but I know I was a lot more hesitant. It doesn't really matter. We have enjoyed our time together and hope that more good times are yet to come. I decided to make a list of things I've done since meeting Andrew.

1. Biked on the Rail Trail

2. Watched an action movie in 3D (Thor)

3. Road a motorcycle

4. Road a 4-wheeler

5. Kayaked

6. Attended a Revival (I grew up Methodist, we didn't have those)

7. Helped pour concrete. Of all the items listed, this one is probably the most "out of my league". Aside from some very basic yard work, I am not exactly an expert on outdoor home improvement projects. I have to say it was pretty fun being messy outside all day for a productive cause.

Sometimes, I don't know why we're together or what purpose our relationship has in the greater scheme of things, but I am happier now than I've been in a long time. I hope I can add to this list later.

Anyways, that's my thought after a long weekend. After all this manual labor, I'm tired.

Come Monday

Today was the beginning of a new semester and my first summer school experience. I believe that I will be thankful for it next May sometime. In the meantime, I will carry on.

My brother returned from South Africa yesterday after spending ten days in Capetown and Johannesburg working with nonprofits. If you're friends with him on facebook, be sure to check out his pictures. He is a pretty good photographer...much better than I am :-).

Yesterday, I had an opportunity that I have not frequently had in the past two years...the opportunity to go to church and not be in such a state that I fall asleep in the middle of it. Maybe it's due to so often feeling "left out" of such things in the past two years that I am now enjoying it so much, but some things really stuck out to me yesterday that I feel compelled to blog about.

Here's my disclaimer: The words I post are my own thoughts (as uninformed as they perhaps might be) not meant to be the fuel for any argument or dispute.

The scripture yesterday was John 10: 1-18. You can look that up on www.biblegateway.com if you'd like. It's where Jesus compares Himself as shepherd and the people in the world as His sheep. As a child, I was always taught that Jesus is the good shepherd and we are His sheep. That's simple enough. However, Sunday I saw the first verse in that passage which reads, " “Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber." John 10: 1. All my life I've been comparing myself to a sheep, and that's what I would strive to be. However, far too often, I relate myself more to the robber or thief. When the robber or thief comes in, the sheep scatter in fear. They know better than to trust that guy. Well, sometimes, I feel like I have the attitude equivalent to that of a robber or thief. At times, it is my notion to have a very sour attitude towards people in general. Having that kind of an attitude towards people does not incline anyone to follow the "Good Shepherd". It does not further the kingdom of God in anyway whatsoever. Putting on a cynical, at times ruthless, attitude towards people is easy. It's easy to wall myself off to a point where people can't get to me, where you can say what you want but it doesn't matter because I really don't care enough to even take it into consideration...where the herd can't reach me either for that matter....but the Shepherd can. I can hide from people, but I can't hide from Him. Right now, I feel like every day is a challenge not to be that robber or thief who sabotage's the Shepherd's efforts...or the things He has given me in my life. I'm thankful for the people in my life who have put forth effort to keep me connected in some way. Your efforts aren't fruitless.

New Life

Today is the first weekend that I haven't worked in a very long time. I worked weekend nights for nearly two years. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my job...it's not about job satisfaction, it's about life. I'm going to church today on Sunday morning, and I'm not going to fall asleep in the middle of it because I worked the night before or that my Circadian rhythms are so out of whack that I can barely stay awake for more than two or three hours before needing to collapse and take a nap.

My brother is coming back from South Africa today. I am excited to hear about his trip. This is his first trip out of the country. Sounds like some fairly exciting stuff.

Well, I'm off to shower and start my day. I have a few things I want to do today before my brother gets home.

Life Is Good

I started this blog over a year ago, and I had every intention of writing on a regular basis. However, it was put on the back burner due to lack of inspiration and the demands of graduate school. Now, that my dear friend Christa has a blog, I think it is time to start writing again. I think it will be a more fulfilling experience with someone to share with :-).

Right now, I am about to embark on my first summer school experience. I was a very "traditional" student while pursuing my undergraduate degree, and spent my summers working. This will be a new experience. I'm also starting a new job as a graduate assistant leaving behind my position at the hospital.

I am blessed to have met a wonderful man I call my boyfriend Andrew. We were set up by one of my good friends who is married to his cousin. Andrew has helped me see some things in my life and has helped me rally the confidence and motivation to step out and make some changes that are proving to be really good for my life. Andrew has also introduced me to some new hobbies that have been rather enjoyable as well. Right now, we are very much into bike riding on the rail trails in West Virginia. I highly recommend http://www.traillink.com/home.aspx for information on trails in your area.

It is my hope that this blog gives me the chance to get some ideas out in the open and provides a place for friends to keep in touch in an environment that is less public than perhaps facebook.